Emily Reading to Annie

There are times as a parent when you just want to give up and send all the kids away for the next 10 years (at least).  When life is so much work and so stressful that you wonder why anyone ever does all this work and there's no way that it can possibly be worth all the effort and stress and drama and abuse, and you're certain that the kids are monsters in the shape of small pre-schoolers, and they will never turn into decent, actual humans, worth the food they eat.

Then there are moments that make all the bad moments so worth it that it actually stops your heart from beating and literally takes your breath away.  I have found no other joy that competes with it.  Those small moments when you get a glimpse of who the kids will become as adults and their character, personality, gentleness and goodness.  Those are the moments that make everything else -  all the bad, stressful, painful, tearful moments - just disappear.  As if they never happened.  

I live for those moments.  Sometimes the only thing that gets me through the week is those moments.  But I would not trade all the tears, stress, broken objects, messes, name calling, and fighting that comes with kids for those moments.  All the pain, embarrassment, dirt, and strife is totally worth it, just for those moments.  I don't always remember the details of those moments, but I remember the feeling, the breathlessness, the heart full of joy and love and peace, and the thoughts that say 'just hang in there, they're worth it!'

I managed to have enough presence of mind during one of those moments the other day to take some pictures.  This one is Emily reading a book to Annie.  Annie is not anywhere near old enough to get anything out of it, and Emily is not anywhere near old enough to actually read, or even do more than point to pictures and maybe name them, but the tenderness of Emily to want to read to and spend time with her baby sister, who replaced her as the baby, and does nothing at the moment but eat, sleep and cry...  It was a moment for me that made all of Emily's screaming and temper tantrums worth it, at least for a little while.