The Cows Watched Over Me

If going out to rescue Jason from the top of a bale three times counts as exercise, then I'm good for the morning. Don't worry. I didn't touch him the last time and made him figure out how to get down himself.

The first time Shelly came in saying Jason was stuck and crying. By the time I got out there he was calmly staring at the cows and informed me that they had 'kept an eye on him' until I got there. It was rather funny... He's a cute kid!

Ultrasound Today

It's official. It's a baby. And it's healthy. And we didn't find out (the technician had us close our eyes :-)

Emily's Speech Assessment

Emily had been babbling a few months ago, but then discovered that she could communicate by make a strange 'gasping' type noise. It's been pretty all she's said for a few months now. We decided after dealing with Jason's speech to get her checked out. She had an assessment today with Kids on the Move.

The Results:

Emily has a moderate speech delay - worse than mild, and about 1 step above serious. They'll give her services, but it's more of a parent training thing - probably something about her being only 18 months old... :-) They'll do a full assessment later, but I doubt they'll find any other significant delays. I'll find out more in about a month when they finalize a 'plan' for her.

11 Step Program for those thinking of having kids

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!

Traditional Dipping of the Chocolates with Great Grandma & Grandpa

Here's more pictures of dipping chocolate with Great Grandma and Grandpa from Elaine's camera

Ethan was pretty good

Jason even did a few - he didn't last long though

Shelly had a blast!

Can you tell he's been tasting the wares?

Caught Ethan red handed eating the candy!

Aunt Katie 'helped' Emily (or did it all for her, one of the two)

Jason and Emily decided Great Grandma's nativity set was more exciting

The 'big kids' turn!

Grandpa getting supplies together for later activities

Grandma mixing more chocolate

Story Time!

A much deserved rest

Emmie loved playing with the walker

Shelly and her Great Grandma

Shelly and Great Grandpa

Ethan's turn

And again

Now for Jason

Quit making faces!

That's not too much better

Emily was not amused.

Aunt JB helping her get in a picture with Great Grandpa

Christmas Fun!

We had a fun Christmas holiday! Since my folks ditched the family for Christmas, Aunt Katie came and stayed with us and got to come to all of the family activities. We started off by going to Mark's grandparents house to dip chocolate. Shelly and Jason enjoy visiting Great Grandma & Great Grandpa.

We brought an apron for Shelly. I thought we brought one for Jason too, but he must not have wanted one...

With help, they did pretty good

Dump the candy into the melted chocolate and then drop it onto the parchment lined cookie sheet. Ethan's a bit faster than Jason

The next stop was a couple of days later on Christmas Eve. The Clinger side (Mark's mom) always gets together and has a party with food, a gift exchange, a Nativity acted out by the kids and a talent show.

Shelly was 'dancing' before it really got started. I missed some of the best stuff, but couldn't resist sharing.

It's rather back lit, but the writhing blob in the middle is Shelly dancing to Aunt Emily and Ellen playing for the Talent Show. I wish I could have closed those doors!

Here's half of the Nativity Scene. Shelly is kneeling down about 3rd from the left. Jason is on his belly almost off stage left (or is it stage right? I always get those confused...). I'm not sure if you can see him at all in this. He was playing with Aunt Adele and didn't want to be bothered to stand with everyone else for a picture...

Next stop was dinner and a visit with the Gardner's at the White's (confused yet?). Rob did most of the cooking - a turkey dinner with all the best sides and even a pumpkin pie from scratch! Can't complain about tasty food, and it's always lots of fun to see the kids playing together. It was fun to get to visit with family.

I'm not sure what Lizzie is doing to Emily - I wasn't even sure that was Lizzie until I double checked her clothes with a different picture... Shelly and Lizzie look so much alike! (especially without a face in the picture)

Uncle Rob (or Dad - depending on which child is speaking) read to the kids.

Grace and Shelly on his lap, and Lizzie trying to get a view of the pictures

Nate and Kate watched Rob read

Matt spent a lot of time holding Beth, at least partly to keep her from getting into stuff. Emily likes babies.

Still reading...

Whole family shot! At least who was left. Becca and Bryan had to go do other family stuff before we realized we should take a picture...

On to Christmas Day:
We sent the kids to bed and tried to get ready for Santa to come visit. The kids were rather excited and kept getting up, but it worked out all right in the end.

Here's our ever so decorated house

This is a tent that Mark made for the kids. We used PVC pipes to build the frame and the old curtains from Grammy's house as the cover. I was expecting to have to do a bit of sewing, but the gathers along the top made a great door, and all I ended up having to do was cut along a seem - and Ta Da! Tent!

They played and slept in this (in their room) for days!

Emily was excited about her presents!

What is it??

Gratuitous entertainment at Katie's expense

Christmas at the Schofield's

After we had our Christmas at home, we headed over to the Schofield's to enjoy Christmas with them.

Emily loved playing with Ethan's new skateboard!

So did Shelly and Jason

Waiting patiently

Grandpa to the rescue!

Emily playing with Ethan's new mitt

Shelly got a bumble bee pillow pet from Aunt JB and Ethan.

Really funny story: She spent a chunk of the morning trying to figure out what to call her new pet. She ran through names like Stripy and Bumble, and then settled on naming him after his horns (Horny). The adults in the room just got silent, and then everyone tried to suggest other names for the pet... I think Shelly must have caught on that a different name would be better, but didn't catch on as to why. She seemed rather set on the new name, and then finally gave in and called him Bumble. Every adult in the room, in unison, said 'yea, that's a great name!' in some form or other. It was hilarious! Poor Shelly had no real clue why everyone was so interested in the name of her pillow pet...

Shelly giving Bumble a hug (or was it Stripy then?)

Jason got a puppy dog

Emily is the excited new owner of a ladybug!

The kids love their new pillow pets!

Ethan got a cool new tool set

He was excited for that! Now he can help Grandpa fix stuff.